The transforming birth and parenting Mastermind Group

2008-07-07T21:00:00.000-07:00

In our future all babies are conceived conciously to parents who are clear of limiting beliefs in their ability to parent with unconditional love. Birth will take place without intervention, mothers will breastfeed their babies and be fully present to their babies needs because they will have cleared whatever was in the way of them being there.

A child can only receive unconditional love from people in its life who know what if feels like themself to give and receive unconditional love. Our aim is to enable parents to experience that love so they can pass it on to their children.

Currently the Mastermind has 5 members Eva Fernandes (Co-founder of BORN), Dominique Sakoilsky and Louise Bennet (Relaxed Birth and Parenting Ante-natal teachers and tutors), Claire Scott (Close Parent and Mentor on Channel 4's 'Bringing up Baby'), and Shirley McAlpine (Producer Birthwise DVD).

We are currently manifesting conferences and events around the country and for online resources.

If you would like to know more about our Group works please email eva@borndirect.com I look forward to hearing from you.

Supporting Members; Veronika Robinson (Editor The Mother Magazine)

Our top 10 tips

2008-07-07T13:26:00.000-07:00

Eva's

Practise ‘9 months in 9 months out’. Human babies need 24/7 care for 9 months after being born, how this manifests is – carrying baby in a sling, breastfeeding on cue, sleeping with your baby. During this time important neural networks fuse in the brain that will ensure that the child then adult has the basic foundations to reach its potential. They will grow into individual’s content with themselves and at peace with the world. The first 2 years of a child’s life are the most important for laying down the foundations. It is no coincidence that Unicef and WHO state breastfeeding should continue for at least 2 years (exclusive for the first 6 months). It is almost impossible for a woman to not be able to breastfeed her baby. If you can grow your baby inside you for 9 months then you can grow it outside you for another 9 months. There is a wealth of support available in the form of breastfeeding support charities. See BORN for a list
During pregnancy our bodies need extra minerals and oils to grow a baby. Calcium and magnesium are the most important minerals to have. You don’t need to drink milk to get calcium – cows don’t drink milk to get their calcium they eat grass! Eat plenty of green vegetables to get yours. Magnesium is often lacking in our diets even if they are organic. Consider supplementing with a good quality mineral. During labour 100mg of magnesium per hour will help your muscles to relax and lessen labour pains. Click here for a good quality supplement
Your baby needs essential fatty acids for its brain development. It will get this from your brain (which is a very fat rich organ) if you do not have enough in your diet. You would have to eat an awful lot of oily fish to get enough essential fatty acids so it is worth considering supplementing this in your diet. It will also help with ‘pregnancy brain’ (forgetfulness) Click here for a good quality supplement.
After the birth of your baby have a baby moon. In many cultures women are attended to for 28 days (1 moon cycle) after the baby is born with food, drinks and massage. I recommend staying in bed for as long as possible after the birth DO NOT get dressed! Open the window for fresh air. Keep visitors to a minimum – let them see your baby but you keep hold of it. Bond by keeping maximum skin to skin contact. Independent midwife recommends 10 days in bed, see Birthwise a fantastically informative DVD with Caroline Flint Independent Midwife (available from Born). During your baby moon throwaway your clock. Babies do not know what time it is – neither do they care. Feed on cue not by the clock.
Get a good sling. Most commercial slings do not give your baby adequate support. A good sling will support your baby in the upright position from knee to knee not just on it’s pelvic floor, the baby’s body will also be pulled in close to you so that there is no room for the spine to slump. Adequate head and neck support is essential. At Born we have thought of these things for you in every sling that we sell. To accompany your sling get a shopping trolley – they are cheaper than an all signing and dancing pram and enable you to get out to local shops whilst carrying your baby. There are some funky modern designs available if you look. Ikea has sold them in the past and may still do so.
Happy, confident, self assured parents with produce happy confident self assured children. Rather than focussing on your child look at your stuff first. Landmark Education offers amazing courses that will give you access to seeing what is in your way. Theta DNA Healing is also an amazing tool to help you clear your limiting beliefs so you can have the life of your dreams.
Be willing to give unconditional love to your child. This is the most important thing you can give. One manifestation of this is through your breast milk. What are the things that are stopping you from feeling comfortable about this? You can use Theta DNA healing techniques to remove any limiting beliefs that are getting in the way of you being totally in love and connected to your baby and your partner. Explore this before you have your baby.
QED – Question Everything Done. Why do you need to have blood tests and scans. What information will they give you and what will you do with that information? AIMS has a wealth of information on tests during pregnancy. Question any advice you are given – is it given from a place of fear in the other person?
Complimentary therapies can offer wonderful physical and emotional health benefits. Our web site has a database of Practitioners that can you may find useful, homeopathy, osteopathy, acupuncture, chiropractic, craniosacral therapy, herbal medicine are just a few of the therapies that are listed. The web site also lists classes and workshops. See http://www.borndirect.com/
Washable nappies are easy and save you money. Get good advice and support and you will love the experience of using real nappies. At Born we offer great advice and products to suit all shapes and sizes of baby whilst taking into account your budget and child care needs.

Veronika's

Consciously prepare for the conception of your child or children. The ‘diseases’ or complications we see in pregnancy and birth are, in most cases, directly related to lack of adequate maternal nutritional status. Placenta previa, low lying placenta, a sluggish labour, etc. aren’t just bad luck. They are complications from a lack of certain nutrients. Ideally, spend two years in preconception cleansing and care. Every day you spend eliminating toxins from your body (and the same goes for the father) is an investment into your child’s whole lifetime of health, well-being and happiness. Toxins come from food, drink, environment, emotions, etc.
Spend time observing the mammalian instincts of cats! They will show you that to birth and breastfeed successfully (easily, gently and without complications), you need privacy, darkness and quiet.
Don’t always assume your doctor or health visitor is God. They don’t know everything, and in many cases, know very little about nutrition or how to work with the body. Their training is in allopathic medicine, which ‘covers’ the symptom, and doesn’t treat the underlying issue.
Rejoice in motherhood. Avoid ever saying “I’m just a mother”. If we were paid by the hour, EVERYONE would apply for the job! We’re not just raising the next generation, we’re here to nurture and celebrate the lives of our children. Parenting is something that requires us to learn it anew EVERY day. There is no set job description.
What you think about birth, is what you think about life. Is birth magical, orgasmic, easy, natural and, like conception, something you enjoy in the privacy of your home or do you see it as dangerous, painful, scary and in need of manipulation, observation and suppression by people in gowns and masks wielding tools?
Forget the idea of seeing the glass as half full or half empty. That’s ‘conditioned’ thinking. See your glass as full to the top and brimming over. Take this attitude in all areas of your life and watch a magical, magnificent life roll out around you.
Children deserve the very best of role modelling in the marital relationship. Nurture, nurture, nurture the love between you and your partner for this space is your child’s true home, NOT the bricks and mortar that takes large sums from your pay packet.
Treat your life partner as a KING (or queen!) and love them fully, strongly and without reservation or conditions. You are teaching your children that finding your soul’s love IS possible and that soul mates are not just the thing of fairy tales…they really can happen here in the ‘real world’.
Let go of your reliance on pre-packaged processed foods and learn to eat foods that are in season and locally grown so that you can not only survive, but thrive, in the Earth changes that lie ahead over the next four years or more. Learn to be less reliant on the things we take for granted ~ electricity, phone, internet.
Look to vibrational medicines rather than allopathic medicines. Work with the body, rather than against it. My favourite vibrational medicines are flower essences, essential oils, colour healing, and solarised colour water. I enjoy chiropractic care for maintaining good nerve function. I never go to a conventional doctor.
There is no such thing as a natural SPF cream! The only holistic sun protection is to wear long sleeved clothes, a hat, and to stay in the shade at the hottest times of the day. The chemicals and toxins in sun creams affect the hormones in the human body and are deadly. Don’t believe me? Why do the countries with the highest skin cancer rates also use the most skin care protection? Cut processed foods (such as fried, fatty foods) out of your diet so that your skin can deal with the sun effectively. The sun is vital for life ~ stop believing the hype that it will kill you. Chocolate will kill you if you’re over exposed and, so too, will water. Use common sense in the sun.
If you’re a breastfeeding mother whose baby over 6 months needs to breastfeed in public, boycott the new Inequalities breastfeeding law. No high court judge in Europe would find you acting indecently while we still have a culture where page 3 girls abound. Your baby’s biological needs are much bigger than a pathetic little law made by politicians who know nothing about breastfeeding.

Claire's

These top tips are to assist and guide you in the first stages of becoming a parent. Do what comes naturally but accept that our nature has been overridden by culture, so think it through as well. Trust you baby.

Having skin-to-skin contact with your baby straight after a gentle birth is essential for your baby’s well being. Mother and Baby should be together immediately after birth. Even babies as premature as 3lbs have been shown to be more stable if they are skin-to-skin after birth. S2S promotes bonding, a higher blood sugar, a good breastfeeding latch and normalises blood pressure, temperature and heart rates and reduces rates of crying. Routines such as weighing your baby should never take precedence.
Breastfeeding within an hour of birth and ideally within 20 minutes hugely increases you chances of having a successful breastfeeding relationship with your child. If you have never seen breastfeeding; get help to get a good latch first off, as this will stand you in good stead for years of successful breastfeeding and avoid painful nipples.
Co-Sleep. Having your baby in bed with you and your partner allows for constant contact which is vital for your baby’s well being. In many countries this is standard practice. Co-sleeping promotes bonding, facilitates breastfeeding, allows parents to get more sleep and protects against SIDS by stabilising breathing and temperature and allows the mother to respond instantly if there is sleep apnoea. It can also promote long-term emotional health as evidence suggests that children who have co-slept are happier, less anxious, have higher self esteem, are more comfortable with intimacy and generally more independent. Share sleep safely by not smoking, by not taking drugs, by having a healthy BMI and by not using heavy quilts.
Make sure your baby is held enough. Babies need to be held almost constantly for at least the first 6 - 9 months of their life by numerous people – not just you! To assist you and your family in carrying your baby, you will need a comfortable sling / carrier that properly supports you and your baby. See http://www.closebabycarrier.com/ and http://www.thebabywearer.com/ Wearing your baby in a comfortable, supportive sling, increases bonding, facilitates breastfeeding on-the-go and frees your hands for tasks.
If your baby has trouble settling, put your baby in a sling or carrier and go or a walk. Taking your baby outside regardless of the weather instantly settles. Too much time indoors, accounts for the vast majority of "unexplained" crying, I do not for a moment believe nature intended any baby to have colic or reflux or "hyper-activity" or regular crying spells, so this is probably my number 1, top tip! Get your baby and get active!
Listen to you baby communicating an unmet need (for food / comfort / soothing / warmth / dryness / elimination etc), usually by giving various signals, such as squirming, mouthing, whimpers. This will encourage excellent communication between you and your child and prevent the baby’s signals going unanswered which leads to crying.
Assist your baby with their need to discharge energy and stress by allowing as much suckling, walking, dancing, skin contact and exposure outdoors as they need.
Consider Elimination Communication, a natural, intuitive and environmentally friendly way of dealing with your baby’s elimination needs. Most babies signal very clearly from birth their need to eliminate. These signals may vary but include squirming, wriggling, sudden unexplained fussiness, a particular cry and in the case of my daughter, a shiver. Using these signals and including timing (newborns tend to urinate every 10 – 20 minutes and after feeding), intuition and cueing will allow you to care for your baby without teaching them to eliminate in their nappy. http://www.natural-wisdom.com/
Always assume your baby is social, right and good and never an adversary. Stop any comments or remarks to the contrary that assume we expect the otherwise.
Find a tribe! Leave your house and make as many friends as possible. With these friends, you can work together, cook together, dance together, garden together…..in fact the list is almost endless and sharing tasks makes them a real pleasure! Enlisting friendship can foster better self-esteem, more confident parenting and lots of help and support!

Dominique's

Love is your ally in birthing! When you are preparing for birth surround yourself with all that brings forward that loving feeling. The hormone oxytocin will guide your body through labour opening your cervix. This hormone is also present when a women makes love, and so whatever helps you to make love (privacy, safety, trust,partner, letting go of the “thinking brain”) will help you to birth. Let your mind go, and let your more primitive brain guide you.
Choose at least one attendant who knows you, your needs, your fears, your vunerable self. Who would you like to be with you? Maybe a doula or friend as well as a partner. Studies show that having a female labour support who has really knows and understands your journey can help alot with facilitating an easier labour. You can choose your support and get it!
Practice your heart-womb connection in pregnancy. In many traditions a womans womb is considered to be her “second heart”. Treat your womb as you would your heart, nourish it, celebrate the love and passion that reside there. Your womb likes to receive nurturing from your heart. Feed it with anything that makes your heart sing!
Connect to your baby in pregnancy and labour. Your baby is walking this journey with you, feeling with you, soothed by your presence. Walk this journey alongside your baby. Your journey together is already well under-way. Communicating with your baby is a resource that we sometimes forget to call upon.
Make space to let go of old resentments, disappointment, expectations and hurts. Forgive yourself past hurts (miscarriage, termination, menstrual pain.....) In this moment you can walk free and powerful.
Birth is about your sexuality. Get intimate with your body. Get used to the changes. Learn to trust what you notice, it is speaking to you with wisdom. Listen with gentleness and non-judgement. What does your instinct tell you about what you need? Trust it.
Do perineal massage in pregnancy. Breath into your pelvic tissues and let go of tension and inflexibility there. Get your partner to help.
Find your voice. Making sound freely in labour can help to release the cervix and enable the baby to move down. Sing, moan, groan, let go with the outbreath.
BREATH! Your most solid ally in labour is your breath. Letting go with the outbreath helps you to let go of resistance and pain. There is power in that choice. You can choose in every breath to let go, surrender, and relax. You can’t be choosing to let go and holding on at the same time! Come back to breath in every moment and you enable the body to flow like a river towards birth. Don’t indulge negative thoughts but learn to stay focused on the help of the breath.
Move your body freely. Work with gravity, dance your baby out, rock, sway, softly open your pelvis. Feel the ground underneath you and receive all the support you need.

Transforming pregnancy birth & parenting

The transforming birth and parenting Mastermind Group

Our top 10 tips